Repentance

A friend walked in today just as I was hanging up from an intense phone call regarding an earlier, MUCH MORE INTENSE phone call. The earlier call had been hanging over my head for 3 weeks–I needed to call and speak plainly to someone about issues that I cannot put into a public blog. I’ve been a craven coward in making this phone call. I mean seriously, terror-stricken beyond all rational thought.

My husband left for the morning, taking children with him, so that I would have the space and the quiet to make this call. I spent a lot of time on my face, begging God to give me the courage I did not have to say hard and unwelcome things. And as I prayed, I realized that part of my difficulty lay in the fact that I believed that I could and should exit this conversation having made everything all better. That by the time I finished the call, my friend would have realized the truth of what I was saying and committed to taking the action I recommended, and would be headed to the health toward which I am trying to point her.

And I realized that that is basically a belief that I am God. That I can fix things for people and they are fixed. That I have a responsibility to make them understand and obey the truth. That I know the truth.

And so I confessed that sin. And I made the call. It went okay–there wasn’t a whole-hearted reception of the things I said, but also not rejection. I didn’t throw up or die. The phone call ended with a mutual expression of affection and good-will. I hope and pray that my exhortation will have some effect, but know that I have said what I needed to.

And as I was reporting all this in the second phone call, my friend walked in. I finished my call, and turned to greet her. Her first words were, “Trying to save the world?”

“No,” I answered. “I had to repent of the idea that I COULD.”

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2 Comments

  1. Miche said,

    April 30, 2007 at 8:42 pm

    I commented on another of your entries that I appreciated your prayer and humility. I figured that I would poke around your site and this was the second entry that I found. I am going to link to you from my blog because I find tremendous value in words. Too often, especially among women, there is a tendency to make nasty judgements about other people. When you find a person who seems to “get it” where people are concerned- whether or not you share the same faith- it seems appropriate to share.

    My blog is a libertarian blog and it focuses on individual freedom and responsibility from a political standpoint. There are some curse words and I talk about issues that are sometimes uncomfortable for people, but I am hoping that people will see your kindness and be as moved as I.

  2. lbjool said,

    July 8, 2007 at 10:50 pm

    Hi Miche,
    I just now saw your kind words, and I’m sorry it took me this long. Thank you for giving me a thoughtful reading. I’ll go do some poking around of my own on your blog.

    Laura


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